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“The more you gain by pretending, the less you're actually gonna have.”
-Genie from Aladdin

I’ve been so many people throughout my life, that sometimes, I’m not sure who I am.  A third of that, in and out of strip clubs being the girl in your fantasy world and the high school drop out town outcast. My lack of formal education and friendships, I make up for in street smarts and the secrets of strangers. After all, who am I but an anonymous place for you to dump your emotional baggage and guilt?

On September 12, 2019, I sent out 158 satire political letters to elected government officials in the State of Louisiana in regards to the drainage issues in New Orleans. I spent much of my time before and after that infiltrating the pee fetish community, creating an entire brand around being a psycho sex worker girlfriend persona peeing everywhere for the sake of the city. That YouTube channel and OnlyFans account are long gone. May they Rest In Peace. The truth is, I’m not crazy. On November 5, 2021, the FBI raided the New Orleans Sewerage and Water Board. You’re welcome, assholes. I still stand, however, by the don’t kiss.. don’t tell policy.

When I’m not being Wonder Woman, I’m being Barbie, which basically means I can be anything I want to be. Lately, I’ve been thinking about going back to school to be a cyber security genius. Hopefully, I can pull off the genius part without giving a professor a lap dance. There’s seriously so many wacko pervs on the internet, but like smart ones, the type that will hack your bluetooth lightbulbs and get their crackhead girlfriends to call your grandma pretending to be you begging for considerable amounts of money. Unfortunately, swinging a beer bottle over someone’s head isn’t going to work anymore. I have to evolve or be eaten for lunch, cyberly.

Logically, gold jewelry was the immediate next step after gold toilet bowls. So, here I am… saving up for college in my 30’s. Better late than never, and maybe a little silver too. The silver lining is that I’m still hot. OH, and rhinestones. We can’t forget the rhinestones. I genuinely love anything and anyone in life that makes me feel like a princess, and shiny accessories are definitely one of those things.

Are you ready to be a character in my rags to riches story or is sitting in the movie theatre still more comfortable for you?

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